Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
