you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
