you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
