I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize