dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?