Sponge bath it is.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
