apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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