True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
