she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
