it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
