I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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