Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Operation Purity has been aborted
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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