two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize