ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Sorry my hands just texted you
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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