covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
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I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
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I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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