We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
