The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
