So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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