you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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