When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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