enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
