I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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