she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
