508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
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It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
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you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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