It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
