So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
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