i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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