how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
