two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
