Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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