told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
