everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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