so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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