Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
