i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He kissed a someone with a penis
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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