Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
