I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
