Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
