watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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