those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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