Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
