Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
