end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
