he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
