He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
