I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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