We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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