We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
