Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
why didn't you poke me back
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
