The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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