maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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