he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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