you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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