i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
