just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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