Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
