u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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