Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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