areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
