You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
