She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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