Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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