Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
