Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
