i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
