you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
