I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
