I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
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You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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