I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
